As part of my natural fertility treatment I meet with a Shaman. Your probably all like wtf is a shaman. Maybe not. Online what I read was that:
"Shamanism encompasses the belief that shamans are intermediaries or messengers between the human world and the spirit worlds. Shamans are said to treat ailments/illness by mending the soul. Alleviating traumas affecting the soul/spirit restores the physical body of the individual to balance and wholeness. The shaman also enters supernatural realms or dimensions to obtain solutions to problems afflicting the community. Shamans may visit other worlds/dimensions to bring guidance to misguided souls and to ameliorate illnesses of the human soul caused by foreign elements. The shaman operates primarily within the spiritual world, which in turn affects the human world. The restoration of balance results in the elimination of the ailment."
The reason I thought that this natural fertility process would be good for me is that I am a true believer in the fact that the reason we get sick, or are in pain, or even not getting pregnant, is because they are a manifestation of something we are not dealing with spiritually or emotionally. I felt that the reason I wasn't getting pregnant is because something was blocking from becoming pregnant. The Shaman was part of this treatment because she is going to help me mend my soul and hopefully get me back to a place of balance.
I could go to the doctor and he could pump me full of drugs and maybe they work and maybe they don't. That right now is my last resort, but what I do want is to deal with the pain and loss that I am feeling and feel everyday so that I can be a better parent as well as a present parent to my other children.
What I do hear over and over again is that I should get myself together before trying again. I am trying but its hard to stop trying when all you want to do is try. Unfortunately it takes me back to the 16 year old me that wanted her belly button pierced and her mom told her no....let's just say that I have a hole in my belly button. I am stubborn and I look forward to the stubborn children I will probably raise.